Lately I've been contemplating some major changes.
The first is going back to work. Well, not going back to the same job I had pre-Jacob, but getting a job of some sort. My reasons for this are varied, but I felt it becoming less of an option and more of an necessity as Mayor Nutter announced last week that he would be slashing Police overtime (and, in effect, our family budget.) I haven't had a real job in about 10 years, and I'm scared nobody will want to hire me. But I'm also somewhat thrilled at the idea of having (non-gym or doctor's appointment-related) time out of the house. Not to mention my own money!
Then there's the possibility of putting Jacob in school. Not because I'd be working -- obviously I could plan my schedule to accomodate homeschooling -- but because I fear that he's falling behind in some ways that I just can't make up for here at home. And I also have begun feeling like homeschooling -- for our family -- is better in theory than in practice.
As far as trying for that next baby, well, it's still going on, though I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for it for the time being. I'm starting to feel like maybe it's time to take a break. Unfortunately, at my age with all my challenges, that means I may be closing the door forever on the possibility of another biological child, which is why the decision is difficult. But it's just how I feel right now -- we've been trying forever (7 years feels like forever, anyhow), and it's like beating my head against a wall.
Change is hard. But I've changed a lot over the past year and a half or so, and anything's possible. Wish me luck...
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6 comments:
Luck! And love!
Lots of LUCK!! You are so in tune to your family's needs I'm sure that things will fall into the rhythm that is right for you all.
so interesting... me too... (in re: to both going back to work and contemplating putting genny in to school... Very much the same reasons for the latter, actually... though i am REALLY struggling with this idea...)
I'm a former un/homeschooler and I miss it terribly but my highschooler wanted to hang with her friends and that's also very rewarding. But I must say that we ALL suffer from the "what If's" and I think it important to try and put those fears aside. One thing I've learned in our homeschooling adventures, is that she learns no matter what we do even if it feels like we're doing "nothing". I think I had to go through a fair amount of deschooling to get it. A great site that I LOVE : http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/
when she re-entered school in the 9th grade (high school freshman) I was anxious and found that despite my feelings of shortcomings in her home education, she was absolutely a-ok, walked right in like she never skipped a beat and actually had teachers telling me that she's very intelligent...only draw back was having to re-learn that in school you're expected to sit down and shut up and learn at the pace they tell you too...but she was able to accept the fact that if you're in public school you're now on their rules and you must comply and find the fun in it all your way, and she has.
Hope that helps a little :-)
ramble ramble ramble
Oh, Maggie Mae, I truly feel for you! I have so much faith in you, I have no doubt whatsoever that all the decisions you make will work out perfectly for you and your family. There's so much potential for FUN in these changes!
As I see 40 around the corner (7 months - gasp!!), I feel that door closing on a second child, and I am running to either push it open or make sure it is my choice to close it. sigh....
Maggie my dear, you are wise beyond your years. You always seem to make the right decisions for you and your family and whatever you decide will be the right decision. You always follow through with your plans when you really set your heart to it and I envy you for that.
Matt & Jacob are so lucky to have you as their wife/Mom and I'm lucky to have you as my friend :)
*Hugs*
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