Clarification

An explanation of why I was so whiny the other day:

Last week, Matt and Jacob and I took a trip down to the DC metro area so that Matt could take a test for a job. He aced the test and we were pretty confident that he would be offered the job. Then we started researching the area and found out that there's pretty much no way we'd be able to afford to live there -- the cost of housing is ridiculously high, and he'd actually be taking a pay cut to start.

Being an all-or-nothing thinker, I quickly plunged into the despair evident in my last post. I feel like I'm never going to get out of northeast Philadelphia, and like Matt is never going to get out of the dead-end job he's been stuck in for the past 14 years. I see this brilliant, talented man I love, wasting himself on a job that any high school graduate could do, when he is clearly meant for more, and it breaks my heart.

And I really, really need a change of scenery. I've lived in the same fucking neighborhood my whole life, and I hate it. Even a different part of Philly would be good, though ideally I'd like to move to another area. Even if I hate it and want to move back, at least I will have lived *somewhere* other than the armpit of the east coast.

Thanks for listening to me whine. Again.

From one of my favorite movies, Groundhog Day:

Phil: What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?
Ralph: That about sums it up for me.

Stuck, stuck, STUCK!

See how Flick freaks out when he realizes his tongue is stuck to the flagpole? Yeah, that's me right now. Stuck.

I hate my house. I hate this city, and particularly the area of the city where I currently reside. I hate my husband's job most of all.

And every time I take a step forward and try and better my situation, I find my tongue frozen to the flagpole. Can't move, can't change jobs, can't change anything, because we're stuck.

Or maybe it's my mindset that's stuck. Maybe I should just suck it up and deal with the fact that I will always live in a house I hate, in a neighborhood I hate, getting income from a source I hate. Maybe it's all just my own hang-ups and there's really no reason to be so miserable. Maybe it's just the SAD rearing its ugly head, as it tends to do at this time every year. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy -- after all, everyone's miserable, right?

The stench of inertia is slowly choking the life out of me.